Equilibrium

     Yesterday I didn't have energy for much of anything today; partly due to my crazy workweek, partly I'm sure, to the the carbohydrate overindulgence on Sunday evening.  I had intended to run errands, get my hair cut, cook and make it to the gym, but it just didn't happen. 

     I did manage to get some housework done, and I kept my eating as clean as possible to help balance out yesterday's destruction. 

     Oatmeal jar in the morning. Lunch was a delicious sweet potato burger on a whole grain ciabatta roll, topped with mashed avocado, sprouts, mushroom, tomato, onion and spinach... and then a side of mashed cauliflower and raw carrot. 

   The burger was from a recipe discovered on Pinterest, and I definitely think it's a success.  Possibly a little sweeter than I'd do next time-- I'll probably omit the agave nectar and add a little more spice. 

    I had another oatmeal jar and some cottage cheese with pretzels, and then a late night bowl of fat free ice cream with some coconut. That puts me slightly over my weight loss calorie goal, but I'm alright with that. 

   I need to not be so hard on myself about that, and focus on getting my sleeping pattern back on track above everything else. 

  Be gentle with yourself, and address your needs, not just your desire to lose weight. 

 That's the main thing about the day after overindulging; finding equilibrium, not punishing yourself by starvation or over-exercise. You'll get back in the groove soon enough. 

   

The First Step

     The internet is a wonderful thing.  Various websites have provided me with invaluable tools and inspiration as I took control of my health and decided to lose the weight I had packed on. 

    There are a handful of fitness inspired blogs I follow, and listen to the trials and triumphs of the strong women who write them.  I read and try healthy recipes. I read weight loss tips and metabolism-boosting tricks.  I tracked calories and points.  Over the course of five months I managed to shed a little over 30lbs.

     It's an incredibly empowering feeling, the whole ordeal is; just to keep pushing yourself and run that extra mile, to do the extra set of crunches, or just to make it to the gym when you would rather get an extra hour of sleep instead.  It feels amazing to chose a homemade salad instead of a fast food pizza.  To opt not to load up on cheese.  To use willpower to say 'no' to the late-night hunger pangs.

   Then last night happens. 

    I did well most of the day.

    A pumpkin oatmeal jar for breakfast, a homemade fruit smoothie, kale and white beans for lunch, a strawberry oatmeal jar for a snack, then some black beans with spinach and carrots and peppers with hummus. Pretty yummy stuff. Healthy and satisfying, or so I thought.

   Then came the trouble. Kate Moss had obviously never eaten cheesecake.

   I, myself had two pieces of cheesecake.  An entire chocolate-covered marzipan log.  At least a dozen untopped, buttery crostinis. And a few servings of pretzels. That was my binge. Probably over to 2000 calories worth of unnecessary carbs.

     Between the amount of sugar in my system and the complete lack of self control and moderation I made myself sick. I know as far as binges go that's not as bad as it could be, but I was so disappointed with myself, especially after doing such a good job all week long.

     I am trying to handle it gracefully and not freak or 'punish' myself, and I certainly didn't purge the food.

    I think the best way to handle it, though, is to deal with it.  Words have always been my way, so this is it.  At the very least another tool in my online arsenal. A diary through the journey of losing the rest of the weight I want gone, and then maintaining that new body.  Something to keep me accountable to myself. And who knows, if this grows to something like the other fitness blogs that have inspired me-- that can serve to inspire others trying to better themselves -- all the better.

  Anyway, this is my corner of the internet now. My ramblings on eating green, clean, being active, getting fit, and all things that go along with it .